


Saturday Night Matchmaking

by fancifulfiction



Series: Soft Bill Stories [1]
Category: Saturday Night Live, Saturday Night Live RPF
Genre: Awkward Crush, Awkward Flirting, Bad Matchmaking, F/M, Meet-Cute, Shyness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-27
Updated: 2018-09-27
Packaged: 2019-07-18 02:53:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16109291
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fancifulfiction/pseuds/fancifulfiction
Summary: You're a writer at Saturday Night Live, and Bill Hader has come to host. Your mutual friend John Mulaney has decided to set you two up. Awkwardness ensues.





	Saturday Night Matchmaking

You look up at Lorne’s corkboard and your eyes widen. You’ve never been more unprepared for anything in your life.  
You cut your teeth in comedy writing for the first two seasons of Late Night with Seth Meyers, the youngest person on the writing staff. You’ve opened for John Mulaney on his nation-wide stand-up tour. You even had a small cameo in the movie Popstar. But nothing could have prepared you for this.

It’s your first season writing for Saturday Night Live. You got the job on Seth’s recommendation, and it’s truly the job of your dreams. Sure, there are sleepless nights and sketches that bomb and more bad ideas than good ones, but it’s all been worth it.

Leslie notices your facial expression when you see the list of hosts. She notices everything. “What is your deal, girl?” she says loud enough so everyone can hear. 

“Leslie, shut up!” you whisper. 

Aidy chimes in, “Wait, is it about the host?” These people can read you like a book, it’s unnerving.

“Someone’s got a crush on Bill!” Kate exclaims. You try to deny it to the group, but you’re blushing so hard it gives it away. 

You can’t believe you’re writing for Bill Hader, SNL legend. He’s been your comedy crush since you first saw him on the show, and you admire all his work. You have mutual friends in Seth, John and Andy, but the two of you have never met. But that’s all about to change this week. John’s back in New York writing for the episode, and it’s nice to have him around. John looks at you and smirks. You may have told him this fact one drunk night on the road. You can practically see the gears turning in his head.

Oh, great, so this is how this week is going to go, you think as you turn around and roll your eyes at everyone. “Way to be mature, guys!” you half-joke. 

Lorne and Bill walk into the room for the pitch meeting and you’re pretty sure you stop breathing for a second. Some of the cast members and writers glance over at you, but you pretend you don’t notice. I’ve got to keep this professional, you think. It’s only your first year on the job and you don’t want to mess it up by showing an obvious schoolgirl crush on Bill Hader. 

Everyone starts pitching sketch ideas to Bill, and before you know it it’s your turn. “What if we did a Canadian talk show with Bill starring as a movie producer apologizing for complimenting women in the workplace? Sort of like a #MeToo thing.” You hear the whole room laughing, but especially notice Bill’s eyes crinkle up as he giggles. “We’re definitely doing that one,” he says. You smile as John claps you on the back in celebration. 

After the meeting, John walks you up to Bill to introduce you to him and immediately leaves. You know what he’s doing. What a shithead. “Hey, nice to meet you! Your idea was really funny, I can’t wait to see what you come up with!” he says with genuine excitement. 

“It’ll be easier to write for you than most hosts. I mean, you know what it’s like here,” you reply.

“Yeah, it’s definitely strange being on the other side of the table now. I still get nervous doing this show after all this time. This is your first year, right? How are you surviving?” He joked.

“Well, after seeing who the host is this week, I’m barely surviving at all!” _Shit. That made me sound so weird._ “I mean, you have such a history with the show and so many people already know you. I don’t know how I’ll keep up.” _Good backtracking._

“I’m sure you’ll do just fine. Your pitch killed in there. Don’t be so hard on yourself.” Bill responded. _Good, he didn’t notice my momentary lapse in brain functioning_. Lorne takes Bill away into his office to chat, and you’re left with the feeling of butterflies in your stomach. You turn around and see John leaning on the doorway of your office, which happens to be his old one. 

“So, are you going to thank me?” John asked with an impish grin on his face.

“I don’t know whether to hug you or smack you across the face right now. This isn’t the time to be setting me up! I have to prove myself this week!” you respond. 

“C’mon, you know I’m doing the right thing. You’re both incredibly single and giant nerds, so it checks out.” John says.

“Whatever, he’s way out of my league anyways. Besides, there’s a huge age difference there,” you say. John shrugs and walks into the office.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tuesday rolls around and everyone is running on a dangerous mix of caffeine, laughter and sleep deprivation. It’s writing night and you’re poised to stay up all night with Cecily and Heidi writing this sketch. You find it super hard to concentrate with Bill and John laughing hysterically at the Stefon piece they’re working on. You notice Bill glance your way and look back really quickly. He whispers something to John and leaves the office with him.

“What do you think that’s about?” you ask Cecily.

“I may have an idea, but I’m not positive,” she coyly replies.

_These assholes are really doing this to me this week…_ you think. The two of you continue to work on the sketch. Bill and John return and Bill comes over to your group to work on your sketch. He comes up with the titles for Canadian movies and you are all howling on the floor with laughter, the sleep deprivation making everything funnier than it already is in a room of talented comedians. Bill keeps looking your way while punching the script up, almost seeking your approval. You look at him and back down shyly, taking notes. Bill has to go into other offices and collaborate on more sketches. You get back to work and focus. 

Shortly afterwards, Leslie pops into your office. “Girl, I have news for you!” she exclaims as she pulls me aside. “Bill cannot stop talking about you and your sketch. I swear, he won’t shut up about it. We’re trying to get him to do other work but he will NOT focus!” she rants.

“I don’t know Leslie, maybe he just likes my writing?” you respond. There’s no way there’s more to it than that. 

“I don’t know, but you need to risk it for the biscuit!” Leslie jokes.

“LESLIE! Why are you always so embarrassing?” you react while shaking your head.

“It’s what I do,” Leslie says as she walks back to her office. You return to your office and see John grinning at you. You finally decide to approach this head on.

“I need to know exactly what you’re up to, Mulaney,” 

“Just planting the seeds of love,” he says. You laugh even though you’re slightly pissed at him. You can never be truly mad at John.

“What did you say to Bill?” you say, irritated.  
“That’s not the question you should be asking.” John answered mysteriously.

“Honestly John, you’re a pain in the ass,” you say. He laughs and goes back to writing.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Night turns to morning turns to table read, and you’re extremely nervous to see how this sketch will go over with all of the cast and writers. Your sketches have bombed hard at table reads before, and there’s nothing worse than not getting laughs from your peers as the new writer. The pressure’s on even more now that Bill is hosting. You hope he still finds it as funny as he did when you were writing it. Luckily, the sketch killed and after the hours-long table read, your sketch was picked to move forward to dress rehearsal.

“I need to ask you a huge favor,” Colin said as we walked into his office. “Heidi is sick and won’t be here for dress. Would you be able to play Bill’s secretary in your sketch? You already know all of the lines anyway, you wrote it.”

“I guess it’s pretty unorthodox, but sure, I’ll do it,” you reply. You can’t believe you’re getting a chance to perform on your first season working on Saturday Night Live, even if it is only for dress rehearsal. The next think you think of is that Bill is going to be complimenting you, excuse me, your character, through the whole thing. You get flustered just thinking about it.

Dress is an experience to say the least. Your sketch is right before Weekend Update, and you hope it stays there as that’s a prime spot in the lineup. Everyone is surprisingly not teasing you about Bill before this. They know how important your first time on the 8H stage is to you. The sketch comes before you know it, and you’re sitting dangerously close to Bill. Performing with Bill was so easy, he makes you feel comfortable onstage and gives you a lot to work with. You recite your lines back and forth effortlessly, to much laughter from the dress audience.  
When you find out your sketch has made it to air, you are elated. This is the most important show to you thus far, and you’ve come a long way since the beginning of the season. Heidi is also back to play her role, which is great because you don’t think you could do that scene with Bill again without making a complete fool of yourself. 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Finally, it’s 11:30 on the dot. You take your place backstage and watch the monitors. You see Bill come out onto the stage for his monologue, and you watch as he naturally flows from sketch to sketch. The show turns out just as amazing as you knew it would be. All of the late hours writing pay off every week, and that's what you love about this job.

It’s 1 AM and the traditional after party has begun. You go to the bar and see Seth’s already drinking beers with John. He sees you and congratulates you and immediately starts giggling.

“What are you laughing at?” you ask, pretty sure you already know.

“Nothing, John just told me…” Seth giggles before John covers his mouth.

“That’s enough, Seth,” said John.

“John, cut the bullshit. What did you tell Seth?”

“I mayyy have told him about your crush on Bill…”

You cover your face in annoyance and embarrassment.  
“Let me tell you, I’m going to match you two up at this party if it’s the last thing I ever do,” John said, determined.

“Okay, don’t be so dramatic.” The show’s over, so no need to pretend to be overly professional anymore. You have a few drinks with Seth and reminisce over times at Late Night when you notice John pushing Bill in the direction of the bar. Bill looks super nervous, and you notice he’s even more cute when he’s nervous. You didn’t think that was possible. 

“Hey, it was great working with you this week. You’ve got a bright future on this show, I know it,” Bill said.

“Thanks, I worked my ass off on this one,” you say.

“So, um, I have something to tell you…” Bill says as he puts his hand behind his neck.

“Okay, shoot.”  
“So, uh, I just really enjoyed spending time with you this week. You’re hilarious and talented and extremely cute. I’m sorry I didn’t say anything sooner, I just thought you were out of my league. John convinced me otherwise.” Seth is uncontrollably laughing while John is standing next to Bill and staring you down. You both blush and you have to gather your thoughts together before responding.

“Honestly, I’ve been pretty into you for a while. I’m just terribly awkward about this stuff.”

“So, you know, do you want to go grab coffee sometime? I’m in town for a week.” Bill lit up as he asked.

“Sure, I’d like that a lot,” you say, not wanting to come off as too excited. John looks at you and gives you a smirk that says “I told you so.” _John may just be the best wingman ever_ , you think to yourself as you lose yourself in conversation with Bill for the rest of the night.

**Author's Note:**

> The world needs more Bill content so here we are. This is for my bugs!


End file.
